The road to happiness
Home » Magazine » Good, issue 8 » The road to happinessThere’s a wealth of data on happiness. Here’s what the research says
PHOTO: LawPrieR of Flickr
1. Don’t chase pleasure
Pleasure is fleeting and pursuing it can easily turn into an addiction or futility, says psychologist Martin Seligman, author of the bestseller Authentic Happiness (Free Press, 2002). Seligman identifies a set of near universal virtues he believes lead to lasting gratification. These include wisdom and knowledge, courage, love and humanity, justice, temperance, spirituality and transcendence.
2. Find satisfaction
Because money buys us everything else we need, many of us assume it can somehow buy fulfilment as well. Happy people see the flaw in that logic, says University of Auckland’s Niki Harré. They understand that love, contentment and acceptance are where you find satisfaction. “One of the key things happy people have is an activity they find really enjoyable,” she says. “By enjoyable, I mean fully engrossing, so that when they’re involved in it, the rest of the world just fades away. Another thing a happy person would have is warm relationships with people around them, not necessarily family—it could just be a very small handful of people.”
3. Keep it simple
Happiness has vastly more to do with cultural factors than genetics or the trendy notion of personal ‘choice’, says John F Schumaker, author of In Search of Happiness (Penguin, 2007). “An African nation, Nigeria, was found recently to be the world’s happiest country,” writes the US-born psychologist, currently living in Christchurch. “The study of ‘happy societies’ is awakening us to the importance of social connectedness, spirituality, simplicity, modest expectations, gratitude, patience, touch, music, movement, play and ‘down time’.”
4. Share the love
Some argue that as a society we’re too programmed to selfishness and over-consumption for sustainable happiness to flourish. Sustainable happiness harks back to the ancient Greek philosophers, who viewed ethical living as a legitimate vehicle for human happiness, says Schumaker. Compassion and selflessness are crucial.
5. Know your neighbours
Pursue connectedness and community, says Robert D Putnam, author of the ground-breaking Bowling Alone: The collapse and revival of American community (Simon & Schuster, 2000). Don’t underestimate the fundamental power of these bonds in creating a society that is cleaner, friendlier, safer, healthier and happier.
10 expert tips for tough times
We’re all feeling the need to ‘recession-proof’ our jobs and assets—but what about the mental wellbeing of you and your family? Transformational coach Karen Ross has ten expert tips for making the most of the times.
- Become self-aware: Only when we are aware of our state of mind can we change it. Knowing you’re stressed is a good start! Identify what prompts you to feel stressed, listen to how you talk to yourself. If it’s not working for you, you’ll need to make some changes.
- Choose your focus: Worrying about money can cause us to lose sight of what really matters. When we are worrying about something that might happen, our body responds as if it’s already happening. This is the structure of anxiety. Change the focus of your attention by thinking about what you want to happen, and one thing you could change today to begin making it a reality. These questions invite our brain to access new neural pathways and to find solutions.
- Talk to yourself, nicely: It’s perfectly normal to talk to yourself—in fact, it’s an essential filtering tool. Do you talk to yourself with encouragement, or reproach? The right self talk can help you to make better choices next time.
- Re-frame for your children: As families tighten their budgets and curb spending, children can misinterpret a 'no' about spending to 'no' about them. It’s not that we shouldn’t say no, it’s about how we say it. The right tone lets them know you care about them, though you’re still saying no.
- Model contentment: It’s not fair to burden children with challenges only adults can deal with—but you can help them to be grateful. Giving thanks for meals, or for help from others or time spent together are all ways children can feel rich. Focus on what the family has (good food to eat, warm beds at night) instead of what the family can’t afford.
- Teach money smarts: This is a prime opportunity to help children learn the value of money, to budget, spend and save wisely. Sylvia Bowden’s book How to Stop Your Kids from Going Broke has some great ideas, as does www.theparentingplace.com and www.parentsinc.org.nz.
- Interrupt your stress responses: Stress is part of everyday life, but being under constant stress strains our immune system, blood sugar levels, digestive system and heart. Get to know your stress triggers so you can develop habits to interrupt your stress response. Try slow breathing. Visualise a beautiful scene. Ask yourself, what’s one thing I can do that would change my response, even just a tiny bit?
- Refresh your body and mind: Make a to-do list at the end of the working day. Leave work at work and create time out for yourself each day, even if it’s only ten minutes. Plan activities with people you enjoy being with. Dedicate weekends primarily to time with family, sport, trips, DIY or lying in bed with a magazine and a cup of tea. It’s your reward and preparation for a productive week ahead.
- Remind yourself what’s really important: When funds are low and hard decisions need to be made, it’s a wonderful opportunity to step back and ask what’s really important and to cherish how much we already have. Be clear about what matters and where to focus your efforts.
- Don’t do more, do less: Working work flat out to ensure we have enough work, food and money can lead to stress, burn-out and health problems—which are ultimately counterproductive! Life may not feel easy right now, but being clear about what we can and can’t control enables us to feel less helpless and to modify our responses. Hard times test our mettle; they’re also a time for courage, learning and growth. www.freshwaysforward.co.nz
